“Have you ever heard of polyamory?” my husband of 16 years asked me while having a late dinner.
“Poly what?” I asked him all intrigued.
“No what is it? Are you making up words again?” I asked laughing because I really thought it was a word he made up.
Sheesh, turns out it’s not a made-up word at all!
I felt so silly when he told me what the word stood for.
As he explained the how’s and the why’s a hundred thoughts raced through my head and a million emotions flooded my heart.
He wants to be with another girl?
Am I not good enough?
Is he bored with me?
Does he have another girl in mind already?
My first reaction in hearing this news wasn’t probably what he thought it would be or maybe it was since he was very supportive and comforted me through my tears and feelings of inadequacies, fears and misconceptions AND did I say fears. All this was/is very scary.
We do have pretty good communication skills and this was no different.
Just because I felt inadequate and scared it didn’t mean that I wasn’t going to listen to him.
And listen I did.
He encouraged me to do my own research and to try to have an open mind. How this didn’t mean that he wanted to leave me or that he didn’t love me anymore.
I promise him I would and this is one of the reasons I am here.
I need to digest and sort this out.
Am I able to be open, let go of misconception and fears and have an open marriage?
Am I capable of stepping out of what I know and embrace the unknown?